Those are the words uttered by a previous client of mine. We were exploring what beliefs she held that were either helping or hindering her progress towards starting her own consultancy business. She identified that she felt that ‘she couldn’t control anything’ and in facing this limiting belief, she realised it’s this very issue that stopped her starting her own company 10 years ago when she had a chance to. She also realised that this was a big hurdle for her still, and was preventing her from fully committing to her ambition to start the consultancy firm now.
We explored where this limiting belief came from and she identified that she developed it as a mere 5 year old, at a time when it really helped her. She’d been around her grandparents’ house with her family, when her parents started a massive row in the living room. My client was next door, in the kitchen with her grandparents, and all she wanted to do was to rush in and stop the argument. She was desperate to fix everything for mummy and daddy. Her grandparents held her back in the kitchen and in order to cope with her own upset, frustration and helplessness she told herself, she can’t control anything. It helped her cope in the moment.
You can imagine her shock when she realised she still carried this around with her over 30 years later. It helped the 5 year old her, but had acted as a major obstacle in her adult life. At first she was incredibly upset with herself, but over time she allowed herself to use this realisation to let go of her old belief and liberate her to start achieving her dream. This didn’t only help towards her dream of starting her consultancy business being realised, but it also allowed her to enjoy the process way more.
In last week’s blog I discussed beliefs and how they either help or hinder us, and I’m hoping the example of this seriously limiting one shared today helps you explore your thoughts around this further. Where in life do you carry limiting beliefs? Where do you simply assume you can’t do something, that it isn’t available to you or there’s no way you could achieve and change something? Maybe it’s time to challenge these assumptions and allow yourself to scrutinise their validity. Imagine how liberated you’d be! Give me a shout if you’d like to know more.